If I Could Care for You
by mayonaka-ni-sakayume
Summary: A Hiei x Kurama fic...How can someone born in solitude, raised in hatred, known forever as Forbidden...how can he be cared for? How can he return that care?
1. Thanks for Caring

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

7-28-03

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

(A/N: Hi! Welcome to my fic! Pull up a chair. All right, I'll get the disclaimers out of the way. Yes, I own Yu Yu Hakusho. They're mine, I tell you, mine, all of them!!

*Yume's muse whacks her over the head with a soda*

Hehehe…gomen ne…anyways, yeah. I don't own them. I own a few empty soda cans and a stack of manga. Nothing worth suing me over. And this fic, in case you hadn't noticed, is Hiei x Kurama shounen-ai. Yup. The two of them, as a couple. Nothing graphic, mind you, not yet at least *evil grin* So…enjoy!)

Chapter 1

Thanks for Caring

The light overhead flickered a few times and fizzled out, but the only one there to appreciate it didn't notice. In the now-darkened room a figure rested his weary head on his arms, crimson hair pooling across the desk at which he practically lived as of late. Outside the room an eyebrow perked and a small sigh barely left its print on the quiet of the night. The window creaked open and the sleeper stirred momentarily as the room gained a second inhabitant.

Hiei stared a moment and marveled at the way sleep and the right sort of moonlight could give even the most infamous of demon thieves an almost innocent expression. Anyone who didn't know otherwise would see a sleeping human teenager- no more, no less. He, of course, knew better, and it was this knowledge that added to his irritation. Not only, it seemed, could fatigue deprive a villain of his ruthlessness…it could also deprive him of his common sense; working on all this busy nonsense to the point of exhaustion was the sort of thing that shortened one's lifespan.

            This was a scene he had been encountering more often lately and, for reasons he couldn't quite name, it caused the little youkai a deal of distress and annoyance with Kurama's tendency to work himself to sleep every night. Hiei's instinct was to simply roll his eyes and decide that if he insisted on doing this to himself he'd have to deal with the consequences---a sore back in the morning, generally. A few nights ago, however, he had been inexplicably compelled to try something a little different.

_"Fox."_

_"Mnnh." Kurama shrugged Hiei's hand off his shoulder and muttered something._

_"Fox. Wake up." Hiei nudged him again, and this time Kurama lifted his head off his arms._

_"Hm, wha? What's…" Kurama blinked a few times, his eyes slowly adjusting to the glare of the light on his desk. "Hiei?" The youkai in question nodded and narrowed his eyes, indicating the desk. _

_"You did it again." It took a few moments for Kurama to realize what he was referring to, and a few more for his next thought to make its way into words. Hiei raised an eyebrow, waiting patiently for what he hoped would be a coherent response._

_"Oh…" Well, it was coherent…as coherent as a one-word answer could be, at least. He rolled his eyes and pointed to the bed. "Go on." Kurama blinked again and sat up, stretching his back. "Yeah…okay, good idea…" He stood up and smiled warmly at Hiei. "Thanks…"_

_"For what?"_

_"For…" He paused a moment, yawned, and walked over to the bed. "For caring."_

            Those words had frozen Hiei, rendering him silent for a moment until Kurama had sleepily asked whether he was okay. He had stammered out some appropriately detached response, something along the lines of "who says I care, I just don't want to hear you complain about a bad night's sleep tomorrow". The warm smile that greeted this answer stated more clearly than words could that Kurama didn't buy this at all. Unsettled by the thought of his own transparent display of concern, Hiei had nodded a quick goodnight before making his usual silent exit. Now here he was again, the situation just as before- Kurama lay face-down amid a pile of books, using one as an undoubtedly uncomfortable substitute for a pillow, and Hiei could only look on helplessly. He wanted Kurama to sleep well, mentally scolding the stupid fox for driving himself to such exhaustion all for the sake of some silly ningen schoolwork. He wasn't entirely sure why the sight of the redhead in that lethargic state worried him, since in reality Kurama wasn't the sort to complain the next morning about the stiff back he was giving himself, but it worried him nonetheless.

"Thanks…" 

_"For what?"_

_"For…for caring."_

Equally troubling to Hiei was the idea that his irrational concern was visible to the fox. He couldn't be sure- had he become more transparent or was Kurama more perceptive? Either way, he wasn't about to admit that he worried. He already cared for one person, and that care had caused him enough pain already…but Kurama? He wasn't related to Kurama, he held no special bond to him and to express his worry would create one. In his own eyes, Hiei didn't want to connect himself to anyone else. Doing so would only hurt them both, that was his fate as he saw it and the mindset he had come to live with after a lifetime as the "forbidden child".

"Thanks…" 

Why had Kurama thanked him? Even if he did care, he mused, what was the significance of that? After spending a while wrestling with the question of the value of his concern, he came to the conclusion that this, a desire to be worried about, was another side effect of Kurama's years as a human. His reverie was cut short when a small whimper came from somewhere next to him and Hiei blinked, eyeing its source questioningly. Most of Kurama's face was hidden, by his flowing hair or his arm or the shadows painted by the moonlight, but the small part that Hiei could see was pale and the one visible eye was shut tightly in a nervous frown. Kurama's lips moved but even when he listened carefully all Hiei could hear was the same choked whimpering noise. He leaned down, watching through wide eyes, wondering what nightmares plagued him tonight. Kurama's fingers scrabbled over the desk before gripping onto the nearest piece of paper and holding it in a death grip. Hiei frowned- what was he clinging to so desperately? He inched his hand toward Kurama's arm, planning to shake him back to consciousness, then paused. Now he was saying something, whispering shakily. Hiei strained to hear the words he spoke…

"Please…please don't leave…" There was a desperate tone in his pleas that sent a chill up Hiei's spine, and he unthinkingly replied in an almost-whisper. 

"I won't…it's okay…" Kurama whimpered again and Hiei frowned, hesitantly placing his hand over Kurama's and carefully prying his fingers from the paper he had grabbed. "Calm down, fox…" For a moment it seemed that the sleeping boy had heard his murmured reassurance and he became quiet. Hiei's sigh of relief was cut short when he realized that Kurama had flipped his hand over and was now holding onto…Hiei's. Startled, he instinctively moved to pull his hand away and Kurama tightened his grip, not a dangerous one but one that held the same desperation as his voice. Determined now to pull Kurama from his unconscious terror, Hiei frowned and decided waking him up would be the best way to do so.

"Fox." There was no response and Kurama's hand kept its hold on Hiei's.

"Fox…wake up…" Hiei raised his voice a little and was rewarded with Kurama's sleep-blurred voice.

"Nn…Hiei…" 

"…yes, it's me. You fell asleep on your desk again." He waited for Kurama to sit up, but he remained asleep, muttering through his dreams.

"Hmn…Hiei…don' leave…don' leave me…"

Hiei blinked, looking curiously down at him and leaning close till his face was within a few inches of Kurama's. Before he could put together any sort of a response to this, the unconscious plea came again.

"Hiei…please…stay with me…'need you…" Thoroughly startled by now, Hiei pulled back a little, lightly shaking Kurama's shoulder with his free hand. A few moments of this proved futile and he found himself helpless to do anything but watch and whisper back the only answer he could produce.

"I'm right here, fox…" To his amazement, Kurama's face lost its painful draw and his expression softened into a contented smile.

"Mn…good…" He squeezed Hiei's hand and dropped it, then the smile faded into the peacefully blank expression of dreamless sleep. It took the youkai standing beside him a few seconds to process what had just happened, and he was fairly sure it would take more than that amount of time to figure out why it seemed so significant. He gathered up his confusion and scattered thoughts and turned back to the window, tensing to leap back into the tree.

"Ahmm.." Hiei stopped, turning to look over at Kurama. To his surprise, Kurama had lifted his head from the desk and was now stretching, his back arched and his face pulled into a yawn. He opened his eyes, blinked, looked over at Hiei and smiled.

"Oh, hello, Hiei. What's up?"

"…"

"Hiei?" He abruptly stopped staring and shrugged.

"Sleeping at your desk again…" he murmured. Kurama blinked, then smiled apologetically and chuckled as he made his way over to the bed.

"Again, ne? I need to stop doing that---what?"

"I didn't say anything."

"No…" Kurama looked at him thoughtfully. "You look…upset about something. Is everything all right?" Hiei paused, searching for an answer. He willed himself to shrug it off, to tell him everything was fine…

"No. What were you dreaming about?" Well, that hadn't come out the way he wanted. Too late now…Kurama sighed and shrugged.

"It's strange…it was just a nightmare I have sometimes but it ended better than it usually does…" He yawned and tucked himself in. "I'll tell you about it in the morning, Hiei…I'm really tired…" Hiei nodded and hopped into the window.

"Wait…you could tell I was dreaming?" 

"You looked upset. But it was just a dream, you're fine." At this point Hiei could only wonder where these words were coming from, since his mouth no longer seemed to follow his bidding. He eyed Kurama warily, waiting for a response to what he saw as a ridiculously silly statement. What he got, to his surprise, was another warm smile.

"Thanks."

"Now what? I didn't do any—"  
"For caring again."

"…I…"

"'night, Hiei." He sighed and nodded, taking his perch in the tree outside Kurama's window.

"'night."

(A/N: Whew! Finally uploaded! *goes off to party with her muse*

Muse (aka Saka-Yami): Oi, get back here and do the author's notes, ya lazy bum.

Yume: Merr..okay. Notes. Kitsune is Japanese for fox. I don't think I used it in this chapter but if you see it, just know who I'm referring to, okay? Cool. Can we party now?

Yami: Ah-ah…

Yume: Oh yeah! And review. Every time you write a review a Yami gets her wings! *scampers off, cackling*

Yami: I don't want wings! *runs after her*)


	2. Come On, It'll Be Fun

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

(A/N: Hi! Still with me? Groovy. Hope y'all are comfy, this is gonna be a long fic. That's why it's been broken down into easy-to-enjoy bite-size chapters like this one. Anyways, I'm not going to bother giving the disclaimers again. If I owned Yu Yu Hakusho, it'd be a slightly different show, and if you didn't want a little cuddly shounen-ai you wouldn't be here, now would you? So enjoy chapter 2 and keep reviewing!)

Chapter 2

Come On, It'll Be Fun

Kurama woke the next morning, as he usually did, to the melodic chirps of the birds outside his window. He slowly sat up and gazed thoughtfully out the window in question. The tree's least vocal inhabitant had already left for another day of his exhausting self-training, he observed with a trace of a frown. What was it that had happened the previous night? Oh yes…he had been doing homework…and then he must have dozed off, because his next memory was one of Hiei standing beside him with an uncharacteristically concerned expression.

Hiei… 

That's right, it had been the nightmare again. After Hiei had sent him off to bed, he had fallen quickly to sleep, this rest uncluttered by dreams and instilled instead with the oddly comforting idea that Hiei worried for him. It was a nice thing, he mused as he pulled himself out of bed, to be cared about. It wasn't entirely unlike the gentle concern and love offered by his human mother, the feeling that had kept him here all these years. But from Hiei it was…different. He sighed as he stood before his mirror, buttoning the cream-colored shirt he had picked for the day, and wondered why it was that Saturday mornings always seemed to lend themselves to this sort of speculation. Another glance at the window reminded him…it was a beautiful day. That meant Hiei would most likely be down at the beach again; and then Kurama was struck with an idea. There was a carnival in town, which could be a welcome diversion from his studying. He could go and---no, better yet…the idea expanded in his mind as he carefully brushed out his hair…perhaps Hiei could be convinced to take a day off as well and join him. The idea of the ill-tempered little youkai voluntarily surrounding himself with loud humans and their amusements was a little hard to imagine, but it was at the very least worth a try- he could use the company and Hiei could use a break, even if he'd never admit it. Besides, he mused with a grin as he walked out into the sunlight, Hiei could always be counted on to become intently fascinated by sweet human foods, and if he could find some cotton candy…

Spin, slash, spin, leap, strike. Spin, slash, spin--- 

"Hiei!" He stopped mid-routine and turned in the direction of the voice calling his name. There was Kurama, smiling pleasantly and walking towards the tall rock on which he stood. Hiei lowered his sword and nodded a greeting. There was a warm grin in response and Kurama hopped nimbly up on the rock next to him.

"Ne, I was wondering…" Hiei raised an eyebrow. The last time Kurama had started a sentence that way it had led to a visit to one of those moving picture theatres. The film had nearly put Hiei to sleep, but Kurama seemed to have enjoyed it. What sort of "entertainment" might Kurama be dragging him along for today? Before he could ask, he was handed a folded paper produced from Kurama's pocket. A few moments of scrutiny revealed it to be some sort of advertisement for…for some human thing or another. He eyed Kurama warily.

"A carnival…it's a sort of human festival, they're lots of fun…" Hiei rolled his eyes and handed the flier back to Kurama, who sighed and pocketed it. "There's food, games, rides, lots of things to…" He looked back to Hiei and trailed off again. The youkai's katana was once more whirling through the air, a fairly sure signal of Hiei's opinion on the whole idea. Patient as ever, Kurama smiled at him. "You could use a break…" At this Hiei paused and glanced over at him, but Kurama hurried on before he could be corrected. "…and I'd really like to go to this, but it's no fun to go alone…will you come with me?" 

"Hn." Hiei lowered the sword, which seemed to be a good sign- at least he was listening. Kurama smiled hopefully.

"Please? You do this every day, coming to this will be fun…I'll make sure you have a good time, I promise, so…please?" He was rewarded with a raised eyebrow.

"Hn. So basically this 'carnival' is going to be loud, boring, and full of humans. Sure, _that's_ a good time." Kurama sighed. He had truly hoped to somehow persuade Hiei to join him, but he knew it was a long shot from the start. An idea entered his mind and his smile developed a slightly mischievous glint.

"I bet I can beat you at any game there." 

That did it. The reaction was perfect. Hiei looked briefly indignant, then he smirked and leaned on his katana.

"Che. I don't know what sort of games these are…hardly matters, I'll beat you any time." _Score!_ Kurama tried hard not to laugh- when it came to his ego, Hiei was much more predictable than he probably realized. He grinned and nodded, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind his ear.

"I doubt it…but I guess we'll see. Here, come on…" Hiei blinked as he was suddenly grabbed by the hand and pulled off the rock. He looked over, an eyebrow raised. Kurama smiled sweetly back, keeping his hold on Hiei's hand and leading him through the rocky beach towards the boardwalk. They walked along like that for a while, Hiei distracted by irritation at the idea that he was letting himself get dragged along and Kurama quietly smiling and occasionally stealing a glance down to his reluctant companion. 

            The pier soon came into view, balloons drifting lazily overhead and the faint sound of carousel music lilting through the air, mingling with the laughter and chatter of the crowds. Something tickled Hiei's hand and he looked down to observe that Kurama had slipped his fingers between his own. He looked questioningly up at him, silently demanding an explanation, but Kurama just smiled to himself, his eyes trained on the fairgrounds ahead. This was daring…he was probably asking too much already and a small voice reminded him that he should be content with Hiei's presence. This clearly wasn't something the little youkai was looking forward to, and now he was really pushing it. He winced inwardly, expecting Hiei to pull his hand away or, worse yet, change his mind and return to his training. To his surprise, he received nothing more than a puzzled glance- and Hiei's hand didn't leave his. Inwardly thrilled, he grinned at Hiei and led him into the carnival.

(A/N: Whee! Chapter 2 up!

Yume: Aww, hand-holding, how cute. You're cute. Everything's cute! Hug meeee….

Yami: *sweatdrop* She's been into the soda again. I'll translate: Cuddly, ne? Hope you're all having fun. And it just gets cuter from here…until the angst and—

Yume: *puts a hand over Yami's mouth* Shhhhh! Don' spoil it…

Yami: *sigh*)


	3. Carnival Games

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

(A/N: Yo! Still with me? Sweet. Forgive me if the chopping up of the chapters is a little…awkward? This wasn't meant as a story in chapters originally, but come on…it's long…I'd have to be mad to expect you to sit through the whole thing in one go. 

*Yami pipes up* You are mad, hika-chan.

Yume: Oh, shut up. Anyways, on with the story! This is where the humor comes in. Oh, and thanks to my reviewers. All…two of you…

*crickets chirp*

I appreciate you. Keep reviewing, keep reading, enjoy the bishounen goodness that is Hiei and Kurama!)

Chapter 3

Carnival Games!

They were immediately surrounded by rides, midway booths, and –to Hiei's great annoyance- lots and lots of people. Leaf-green eyes scanned the area for a moment before lighting on a game typical of these places. Briefly squeezing Hiei's hand to make sure he was still holding on and smiling upon discovering that he was, he pulled his companion over and indicated the booth. Hiei eyed it suspiciously. There were guns attached to a counter, hardly something he expected at such a light-spirited human gathering, and a number of targets. A man stood behind the counter yelling and waving a…what? Some grotesque plush thing, many copies of which lined the wall behind him. Hiei took a cautious step forward and stood on tiptoe, briefly examining the guns and noting with surprise that they weren't really guns. There were hoses attached, and a quick glance at the dripping targets soon illuminated the apparent purpose of this game. He glanced to Kurama and nodded.

"I can beat you at this." Kurama chuckled and handed a few bills to the man behind the counter, who thanked Kurama before turning to eye Hiei and smirk.

"Eh, the kid's too short, 'e doesn't even reach the counter!" Kurama winced and looked to Hiei, who was seething. Before he was entirely aware of it, the angry little demon had hopped onto the counter and was holding the carnival worker by the collar of his shirt.

"Watch your tongue, ningen, or you'll find it missi—" Kurama placed his hand on Hiei's arm, glancing nervously around at the people whose attentions had been drawn by the little scene in progress. 

"Hiei…" he murmured anxiously, tugging his sleeve. "Let it go, Hiei, he didn't mean anything…people are staring…" Hiei growled defiantly at the worker, released his shirt, and reluctantly leapt back onto the ground. The unfortunate man looked thoroughly bewildered and was stammering an apology. Kurama glared at him for a moment, then looked down at Hiei and sighed. This was beginning to look like a bad idea- he blinked as Hiei reached up and placed his hand on the water gun in front of him.

"Hiei?"

"I said I would win." Kurama sighed and bit his lip.

"Um…can you…" He frowned, carefully picking out his words. "Are you sure you can see the target?" The man had been right; the edge of the counter was at just the same level as the spiky tips of Hiei's hair. There was no way he could possibly—

"Take your position, fox." Hiei's words were sharp and unhesitating. He took a few steps back, looked up at the target, and retook his place at the counter, stretching up to adjust the gun a little and place his finger over the trigger. Kurama sighed ruefully; he had earlier been grateful to Hiei's pride, since it was what had basically convinced him to come along, but now it was going to get him humiliated. Still, he wasn't about to talk down to his friend, and he reluctantly took aim. Hiei grinned to himself, nudging the gun just a little to the left, and the carnival worker flipped a switch.

_Tssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh…ding!_ Kurama blinked- it was over already? He sighed again and looked over at Hiei, hoping he wouldn't be too upset. But Hiei was…smirking?? Kurama raised an eyebrow and looked to the carnival operator, who was leaning over the counter and looking down at Hiei in amazement. 

"N-nice job, ki—" A glare from the dark figure staring defiantly up at him cut him off and he quickly pulled a blue stuffed dog from the shelf behind him, setting it on the counter in front of Hiei. Kurama, meanwhile, was still putting this together. No way…had Hiei…no way! It was entirely illogical, and yet…it was perfectly Hiei, down to the last drop. He chuckled as Hiei took the plush animal and eyed it suspiciously.

"Care to explain how you did that?" Hiei shrugged.

"I looked at the target and aimed. Nothing special." Kurama shook his head and laughed.

"Only you, Hiei…" The youkai wasn't paying attention to him at this point and stood examining the toy. A small boy, maybe four years old, toddled towards the booth, pulling his father by the hand and pointing excitedly to the stuffed animals on the wall. Hiei glanced over at him, looked at the blue dog in his hand, and waited for the child to step a little closer before holding it out to him. The boy blinked up at him, wide-eyed, and took the plushie, squeezing it and giggling in delight. Kurama looked on curiously as the little boy beamed and held up the toy to show his father, then smiled affectionately at Hiei, who was watching as well. The temptation to hug the little demon was overwhelming as he marveled at the way even Hiei could be nice, whether he really meant to or not. It was a temptation he made himself resist, though, and he settled for taking Hiei's hand again and smiling down at him.

"That was nice…"  
            "Shut up. What's next?" Nice…che, not a distinction he'd let himself be stuck with. He just wanted to get rid of that blue thing. Still, he liked seeing Kurama so happy, even if it meant playing along with this whole "carnival" thing. Besides, the look on his face after losing at the water gun game had been fairly satisfying---confusion turning quickly to impressed amazement. He chuckled quietly, hesitating a little upon realizing that Kurama had once again latched onto his hand. Was he imagining it or did that seem to happen a lot lately? Shrugging this off, he went with a passing whim and laced his fingers between Kurama's, just as he had done earlier.

For a moment the redhead was too shocked to respond. He cast a glance down to where their hands were joined, blushed faintly, and smiled. This day was certainly shaping up. Something ahead caught his eye and he pointed it out to Hiei. The response earned was a raised eyebrow.

"Why are they hitting that?"

"It's another game, a strength test…Hiei?" Kurama blinked as he realized he was suddenly talking to a dark blur of air. His companion stood near the game, watching with a smirk as a muscular-looking man managed to register a 6 on the 1-10 scale of the test. _Too easy…_he mused, eyeing the hammer in the man's hand. He pushed past the crowd and took the hammer from him, swinging it casually and looking to the target on the machine. Kurama hurried over and handed a bill to the man operating the game, then leaned against the machine and looked to Hiei, chuckling.

"Let's see what you can do…" The challenging tone of his voice surprised Hiei a little, but he didn't show it. Hoisting the hammer over his shoulder with little visible strain, he earned a few murmurs of surprise and approval from the people passing, then swung it down with a yell and scored…

(A/N: 

Yume: Ehehe! Cliffhanger!

Yami: Oh, the suspense is killing me. -.-

Yume: Hey, shut up, you made me write this, so don't tell anyone what Hiei scored, okay?

Yami: *evil smirk*

Yume: Don't or I'll cut off your caffeine.

Yami: Yes sir.)


	4. You and Me, What Are We?

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

(A/N: Woot! Nine reviews and counting…and you guys seem to like the story…okay, okay, I know you're all dying to see what Hiei scored so I'll save the notes till after, ne?)

Chapter 4

You and Me…What Are We?

"_Eight?!?_" He growled at the machine. It had to be defective. He had hit it that hard and it wasn't even registering a full score? Impossible. A brief scowl was directed at the game and he considered trying again, just so he could knock it into working order, but before he realized it the hammer had been taken from his hands and Kurama stood, lifting it ever so slightly. Stupid fox, how could he expect to win anything if he wasn't going to put any effort into it? If it had taken all of his strength just to mark an eight on the damned machine, there was no way the almost lazy swing Kurama was preparing would measure more than maybe a three or four. Then, quite suddenly, Kurama flicked his wrist and the head of the hammer crashed hard onto the base of the game. The small crowd that had gathered cheered and the game's operator blinked.

"Congratulations, man…damn…nobody gets a perfect ten…pick your prize." Kurama smiled, eyeing the selection of cheap plushes and small trinkets, and settled on a little keychain shaped like a dragon. He pocketed it with a thief's grace, musing that it might make a good gift for Hiei…and then he saw the expression on Hiei's face and took out the keychain, fairly certain that giving it to him now might be a good idea. 

Hiei was seething. Kurama prayed the little aura of angry youki flickering around him would go unnoticed and quickly steered him away from the machine before he could do any damage to it. He growled and glared up at Kurama.

"How did you…" Kurama fingered the keychain and shrugged.

"All in the wrist."

"Hn." Kurama sighed and held out his prize to Hiei, who took it and looked it over. "Mmhm. The head's too big, though." Kurama smiled, stifling a chuckle at the criticism. "It's not supposed to be realistic…besides, this was made by humans, they wouldn't know quite how a dragon really looks." He was answered with a shrug and a glance back to the park entrance. Sighing quietly, he nodded in response to Hiei's unspoken request. "We can leave…oh, wait---" Kurama paused, turning to deliver a half-smile to his reluctant companion. "One more thing I wanted to show you…" A quick glance over the grounds stopped on a snack stand not far away and he once more took Hiei's hand, leading him over. Even in the wake of his annoyance at being defeated in the strength-test game, the little demon didn't reject Kurama's hand and wearily allowed himself to be brought over to yet another of these booths, wondering what might be in store for him this time. He looked up as Kurama paid one of the people behind the counter and was handed two rather bizarre things…they were paper cones, coated in something ephemeral and pink. There was a sharply sweet smell about them that reminded Hiei vaguely of something Kurama had given him once to snack on, and he eyed the other demon questioningly. A smile greeted his curiosity and he was handed one of the pink things.

"It's cotton candy…it's a snack, try it, I think you'll like it…" He took a bite out of his own, looking to Hiei to see whether he'd do so as well. He did, if a little warily, and blinked. 

"Mn.." He raised an eyebrow at the inexplicable fuzzy texture and pulled it away, licking sticky pink fibers off his lips. The sweetness appealed to him, but it felt like eating a cloud, only…not. His mind struggled with an appropriate description until he caught sight of Kurama, watching him with a look of slight amusement. 

"Any good?"

"It's bizarre. What is this?" Kurama shrugged and took another bite out of his own. "Sugar, basically." The confused look that Hiei gave him demanded further explanation and he thought for a moment. "Sugar and I guess something to color it…it's spun very quickly in a special machine…" Hiei nodded and nibbled on his as he started to walk towards the park gates. Tasty snacks aside, the place was downright annoying, everything he disliked- loud, crowded, and seeming to lack any real purpose. Kurama quickly followed, cotton candy in hand, and smiled a little at the reassuring thought that Hiei had put up with more of this than he had really expected. He caught up to him and walked alongside Hiei, who was walking at an uncharacteristically unimpressive speed towards the beach. A few more bites found all of Hiei's cotton candy disposed of before a sudden slight burst of his youki caused Kurama to look over at him, a little startled. The first thing he observed upon doing so was not the dropping of the ashes that had been the cotton candy's paper core from Hiei's hand but rather something much more amusing, and he giggled quietly. Hiei raised an eyebrow and turned to face him.

"Something funny, fox?" Kurama quickly placed a demure hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

"You have…eh…" He grinned and tapped the tip of Hiei's nose with his finger, brushing off a few stubbornly clinging strands of the pink sugary treat. Hiei's eyes crossed as they followed Kurama's hand and the redhead's musical laugh rang out quietly once again.

"Now what?" Hiei was faintly annoyed, but mostly just curious as to what in the worlds was causing Kurama such amusement. His only response was a chuckle and a dismissive shake of Kurama's head. "It's nothing…" he said cheerfully, managing to suppress the rest of the thought for fear of somehow upsetting his short-tempered friend with it. _It's just that you looked so cute right then…_Hiei sensed the trailing nature of Kurama's comment and briefly wondered what was being kept from him, but shrugged it off and walked along a small sandy patch towards his usual training area. 

He stole a quick glance at his companion and observed that at some point Kurama had finished his cotton-thing as well and tucked the paper into his pocket. The taller boy was now strolling along next to him, and Hiei felt something rather strange…he looked down at his own hand and mused that Kurama's had been latched onto it almost all day, to the point that the separation at that moment was almost foreign somehow. A little unsettled but craving the familiarity of the past hours, he subtlely moved a bit closer and slipped his hand into Kurama's. The reaction was instantaneous on Kurama's part. A blush crept across his face and he slowly lowered his eyes to where their fingers were now woven together. Upon reassuring himself that yes, they were close like this and yes, Hiei had been the one to initiate the contact, he quickly averted his eyes to the rocks ahead of them, smiling to himself. The smile didn't go unnoticed and a very slight one tugged at the corners of Hiei's mouth as well as he looked up at his companion. Like this they walked until they found themselves right where they had started, at the rocky seaside patch where Hiei so often practiced. The fire youkai hopped up and sat on one of the rocks, while Kurama leaned against it and glanced up at him. 

"What are we?" The sharpness of the question startled both parties and Hiei blinked, looking curiously down at Kurama. 

"What?" There was a momentary pause in which Kurama took a deep breath, and he asked again.

"You and me…what are we?" Hiei raised an eyebrow.

"Hn…last I checked we were demons, fox…" Kurama shook his head quickly, briefly knocking a veil of red hair into his face. He tucked it behind his ears and looked sincerely up at Hiei.

"I mean in relation to each other. We're friends, aren't we?" Hiei blinked again, entirely bewildered by Kurama's train of thought. A slight frown crossed his face as he considered the answer.

"I suppose you could say that…" He was almost reluctant to ask what he did next. "Why do you ask?" There was another meaningful pause and Kurama bit his lip, kicking at the sand beneath his feet as he searched his mind for a reasonable answer. Why had he asked? _For the same reason you were clinging to him all day…_suggested a nagging voice in the back of his mind somewhere…_for the same reason you dream about him practically every night…the same reason you practically glow when he's around…you want more than this…_ Kurama shook his head quickly, earning a puzzled and slightly concerned inquiry from Hiei.

"Fox?" The confusion in those green eyes seemed contagious and Hiei had to look away, startled by the naked uncertainty he had seen in his usually confident friend. It was a few moments before Kurama could manage a weak sort of smile and an excuse that he prayed didn't show its untruth.

"Oh, no reason…I think I'm going to go home…" It had gotten later than he first realized, and the thought of settling into bed to give the issue some deep thought was terribly enticing. But then…he would only be pulled from his thoughts when Hiei chose to stop by, perching himself silently in the tree outside Kurama's room or in his window, unnoticeable except for his familiar salty-pine scent and flickeringly warm ki. He set his hands in his pockets and turned to look up at the subject of his nightly musings. "Are you coming?" Hiei shrugged, idly fingering the ribbon on the hilt of his sheathed katana, then leapt down next to him and nodded. 

"Might as well." Kurama nodded quickly and began the short walk back to his house. As he walked alongside him, Hiei stole an occasional glance up to his companion. A decade and a half in a human life had affected the demi-youko in ways that Hiei noticed more and more each day. One such side effect of these years of humanity was a new sort of warmth and transparency when it came to his emotions. He had gone from ruthless and cold to…well, to what Hiei saw beside him now, a worriedly emotional soul given to patches of both joy and usually well-concealed despair. At that moment all the youkai wanted was to know what it was that lessened the sincerity of the smile Kurama had shown him moments ago, the cause for his unusual silence and lack of cheer. To his own slight bemusement, he found that he wanted more than to know why Kurama wasn't happy…he wanted to fix it. He wanted Kurama to say "I'm fine" and to be able to believe him. He wanted…

No words were spoken, and they arrived at Kurama's home. He very quietly let himself in and turned to hold the door for Hiei, who…wasn't there. Tradition directed Kurama's eyes to the tall maple beside his house where, certain as ever, Hiei's silhouette was faintly visible among the branches, cut out against the starlit sky. He shook his head, sighing quietly to himself…Hiei always chose that tree, except for nights with particularly bad weather or cold temperatures, which would drive him into Kurama's room to sit on his desk or lean nonchalantly against the wall and occasionally exchange a few words…although…Kurama's mind found a new tangent as he locked the door behind him and proceeded quietly up the stairs. _It hadn't been cold or rainy last night and Hiei was still there_…suddenly he wondered how many times Hiei had crept into his room while he slept and saved him from his nightmares…the idea brought an uninvited blush to his cheeks and he smiled inwardly and let himself into his bedroom. A flick of the light switch shocked his eyes for a moment as he flopped onto his back on the bed and gazed at the ceiling, slowly adjusting to the artificial illumination. 

Almost as soon as his eyes had recovered, he closed them wearily and let his mind drift. It never strayed far, though, from the figure resting just outside his window, and he dozed off with Hiei on his mind yet again.

The youkai in question patiently waited as the steady flow of familiar ki from inside the room became subdued and mild. Once he was sure the source of that ki had fallen asleep, he silently unlatched the window and crouched in the sill, watching Kurama's sleeping form. He watched his chest gently rise and fall, watched his face slip into that almost startlingly peaceful expression, watched the way the red hair pooled like spilled wine on the pillow beneath his head…Mentally Hiei scolded himself for getting sentimental and turned to egress back to his treetop perch, then froze at the sound of a muffled sigh behind him. _Not another nightmare…_He frowned and walked noiselessly to Kurama's bedside, leaning over to look at him. There was no painful draw to his features, no sign of discontent, and Hiei mused that he had imagined the sound…His eyes traced Kurama's face and stopped on a few strands of crimson that had slipped over it, and unthinkingly he reached out and brushed the offending hairs aside, his fingertips barely skimming Kurama's skin.

_He's so warm…warm and soft…_Hiei blinked and quickly withdrew his hand, the blush on his cheeks thrown into the unflattering light of the bulb overhead. For a moment he looked at his own fingers, then turned his gaze to Kurama who- to his great relief- had slept through the contact. For a moment he thought he saw a hint of a smile on the sleep-muted features, but he passed it off as another trick of his imagination and turned away, switching off the light and retaking his position on a sturdy branch in his favorite maple. 

It was some time before Hiei managed to fall asleep.

(A/N:

Yume: Wow, this gets cuter and cuter. And the reviewers like it!

Yami: *nods* Mmhm. Ne, run along a bit, get me a soda or something, I have to talk to the readers for a sec.

Yume: *blinks and runs along* Hai!

Yami: *sigh* Okay, I really, definitely want to thank all you reviewers. Yume's having some personal troubles right now and all this positive feedback is good for her, so…thanks. Even if you don't like the fic, leave a review, just make your presence known. 

Yume: *comes back with Diet Coke* What'd I miss?

Yami: Oh, nothing. Go get the next chapter ready for upload.

Yume: Hai! ^.^


	5. Stolen Closeness

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 5

Stolen Closeness

The next morning began as any other, Kurama blinking off sleep and subconsciously scanning his vicinity for any trace of Hiei. As with nearly every such search, this one proved in vain- there was no sign of that comforting presence in his room or the tree beside it. He stood, slipping out of the bedsheets, and made his way to lean upon the sill of the open window. Birds chirped, a faint morning breeze rustled the leaves, and the sun dripped through a few unenthusiastic clouds. His eyes turned to the maple and once again found no sign of the dark little youkai that frequented it at night.

Hiei was silently glad Kurama was still just waking up- his lessened awareness meant that by concealing himself very carefully amongst the branches he could avoid detection. Right now he didn't want to be seen, didn't want Kurama knowing he was there or wondering why. A branch was pushed aside to provide a better view of the little room and Hiei watched silently as Kurama went through his usual routine. He felt more than a little silly, spying on the fox as he pulled a brush through the waves of crimson cascading onto his shoulders, but somehow he couldn't pull himself away. He watched and marveled at the way everything Kurama did bore the same fluid grace. Every tiny gesture, every slight movement, all of it was underlaid with an inimitable artistry identical to that he used in battle. Once again he had to check his thoughts, which were becoming unsettlingly…what? Sentimental? Or…somehow romantic? 

That was an odd idea.

He shook it off quickly and turned to leave before any more of those ideas could spring up in his mind when—

"Hiei?" He hesitated and slowly glanced back over his shoulder. There was Kurama, leaning out the window and looking curiously up into the tree. Damn…distracted by the nature of his thoughts, he had momentarily lost his concentration on the act of masking his ki. Now the elegant form he had been gazing upon was bent over the sill staring almost directly at him. It was too late for even the quickest exit- he had been seen- and no excuse for his presence came to mind…none that he could give, anyways. However, the smiling face turned up toward him didn't seem to demand an explanation, although there was a surprised twinkle in the emerald eyes.

            "Hello, Hiei…I didn't realize you were here…" Kurama knew this wasn't accidental- Hiei had been hiding. Hiding…from him? He opened his mouth to ask why but was stopped by the expression on Hiei's face. The pale youkai faintly resembled a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car and Kurama realized he wasn't meant to have found Hiei. He didn't press the matter further and glanced briefly back into his room before smiling warmly up at the startled-looking little demon.

            "Do you want to come in? Mother's out today and I could use a little company…" _Your company_…This last thought he left unsaid, but for a moment he felt that if Hiei continued to look at him so piercingly his silent comment would somehow be heard. If this was the case, though, Hiei didn't show it. He simply shrugged and nodded, and Kurama stepped aside to allow him entry. In one smooth motion Hiei leapt in and leaned against the wall beside the window, his arms folded across his chest. Kurama was a bit surprised, as it usually took a bribe of sweets or a strong storm to incite Hiei to step inside, but it was a pleasant enough surprise that he chose not to question it. Unfortunately, being caught off-guard by his friend's acceptance of his invitation, Kurama was entirely at a loss of what to do next. He yawned and glanced around his room, hoping to catch sight of something that might give him an idea. This inspiration came in the form of a shrink-wrapped case sitting on his bed. Kurama smiled, walked over, and picked it up. Hiei's eyes followed him as he held up the case.

            "It's _Ghost_…it's a DVD I just bought…" The puzzled stare that met him from beside the window prompted him to explain further. "A movie…sort of like the one I took you to see in the theater…"

            Perfect. Another one of those dull things…the idea was less than appealing, but he was subconsciously aware that the weather would soon make his usual bonfire-lit practice sessions next to impossible. A distant rumble of thunder confirmed the thought and Hiei sighed quietly. There was nothing better to do.

            "Fine." Kurama had been reconsidering the idea until Hiei's unexpected compliance made him smile, and he picked up the video before gesturing for him to follow as he stepped out of his room and down the stairs. Without knowing exactly why, he tagged along after him and sat down on the edge of the couch in the family room. Rather than joining him, Kurama walked past the couch into the kitchen. Hiei blinked and looked after him. Within a few minutes, a delicious warm smell began to lilt through the air and the sound of rain popping on the ceiling briefly caught the youkai's attention---wait, popping? That wasn't rain…he cast another glance to the kitchen as a few sharply mechanical beeps sounded, and a few moments later Kurama emerged with a plastic bowl filled with…

            "Popcorn!" Kurama grinned and sat down next to him, setting the bowl between them and leaning forward to put in the movie. "It's good, try it…" Hiei eyed the snack for a moment before picking out a piece and popping it into his mouth. 

            "Hm…'s good…" Kurama smiled to himself and leaned back, taking a few pieces as well. "Told you." An image flickered onto the screen and Kurama got up quickly to dim the lights before reseating himself. Hiei raised an eyebrow at the change of atmosphere but shrugged it off and trained his eyes on the screen. Both demons fell quiet as the movie began, Kurama paying rapt attention and Hiei looking on nonchalantly.

            Twenty minutes into the film, Kurama was spellbound and Hiei was…well, Hiei was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He had long since finished the oddly addictive popcorn and set the bowl on his other side. His eyelids drooped and he forced them open, then blinked as he noticed something a little odd. On screen, the lead characters were…doing something. The male character had lifted the female and was sort of twirling around with her. This wasn't the odd part---what had piqued his curiosity was Kurama's reaction to this. The light of the television flickering over his features showed a distinct blush and he kept sneaking glances at Hiei out of the corner of his eye. Hiei casually returned one of the stolen glances, an eyebrow perked, and Kurama actually blushed deeper before returning his eyes to the screen. Puzzled, Hiei started to ask what was going through the redhead's mind, then thought better of it and sighed quietly before looking back to the movie.

            Another twenty minutes passed without event, and the actionless nature of the movie was lulling Hiei straight to sleep. Kurama was fairly engrossed in it, but occasionally he would catch sight of Hiei's head dipping forward and lifting sharply back off as the unfortunate youkai struggled with consciousness. Sleepily, the little demon wondered how humans could call this "entertainment" as his eyes slid shut again and he leaned back, slouching a little in his seat. If only something would explode…but this movie lacked any such excitement and he suddenly found himself falling wearily sideways, his head landing neatly in Kurama's lap. Lacking the capacity for conscious thought required to regret this or sit up, his muddled mind merely celebrated the presence of a suitable pillow.

            Interestingly enough, Kurama's mind had just been robbed of most of its internal coherency as well. His face burned crimson and he slowly looked down at Hiei's head, nestled securely against him. The small face bore that rare unangered blankness that was rarely –if ever- seen on Hiei in his waking hours. That peaceful expression, the slow steady breathing, the lightly flickering youki…there was no doubt about it, the ever-alert little youkai had dozed off. In his lap. Kurama's breath caught as he gazed down at him, the movie little more than background noise in his mind. The temptation presented to him was too great and he very slowly, very cautiously, reached down and lightly stroked the side of Hiei's sleep-painted face. He was entirely unaware that the gesture had happened less than a day ago, albeit in reverse, as he gently trailed his fingertips along the curve of his chin. He paused a moment, carefully watching for any sign of consciousness- he so longed to touch that pale skin, but Hiei was generally a light sleeper and were he to awake…Kurama winced at the thought. His touch would almost undoubtedly be met with anger, confusion, and probably a quick exit. Sighing quietly, he moved to withdraw his hand…but couldn't. _What are you doing? Stop it! Idiot, he's going to wake up!_ His mind raced but his fingers seemed to be ignoring this and slipped back into Hiei's spiked hair, weaving through the dark strands. He leaned forward, closed his eyes, and drank in the distinct scent he had come to associate with Hiei…the salty spray of his oceanside practices, the rich pine aroma of the forests where he spent much of his time, leaping restlessly between trees, and an underlying warmth that Kurama couldn't place. _You're completely obsessed…_ He smiled wistfully to himself and sighed quietly, taking the hand not entangled in Hiei's hair and wrapping it around the youkai's slim shoulders, all caution and practicality forgotten as he hugged him close.

            Hiei was promptly jerked from indistinct dreams by the feeling of some weight on him. The fuzzy feeling solidified…there was something holding onto him and something else tickling at his hair…he froze a moment, puzzling this out in his mind, but didn't fully understand what was going on until he opened his eyes.

It was Kurama.

The redhead was leaning against Hiei, holding him in a gentle embrace, resting his cheek against Hiei's hair. And Hiei was in a position no less puzzling- his legs were right where they should be, hanging over the edge of the couch, but his entire upper body was resting against Kurama's legs. The bewildered demon slowly untangled this in his mind…he must have fallen asleep and…he felt a hint of a blush, for reasons he couldn't place…fallen onto Kurama in the process…but that didn't explain why the kitsune was clinging so warmly to him at all! A few more moments of thought produced no answers and he squirmed a little, instinctively uncomfortable at the close contact.

            Now it was Kurama's turn to freeze, startled and suddenly painfully self-conscious. Hiei was awake, he could feel it…_Idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot…_He cursed his impulsiveness and slowly, terrified at the thought of what had to be going through the little youkai's head, retracted his arm from around Hiei, who pulled away mechanically and sat up. The nervous look that Kurama stole at him was carefully avoided as the smaller youkai stared unblinkingly at the television. Biting his lip, Kurama stammered out the only word that came to mind.

"Sorry…" Hiei paused and glanced back at him for a moment, then stood and walked to the door. He reached for the knob, then paused again. He had to know…or at least to ask.

"Why?" The question was short, to say the least, but the directness didn't escape Kurama and he looked helplessly at his feet.

"I don't know…" This answer was strangely comforting, but not enough to prevent Hiei from blurring and making a hasty disappearance. Kurama groaned quietly and leaned forward, resting his face in his hands.

_Inari…what have I done?_

(A/N: Wow. That was a powerful chapter. Important one, too. The shounen-ai goodness has really kicked off! Woo-hoo! 

Yami: So has the angst…*evil grin*

Yume: *sweatdrop* You and your angst.

Yami: *keeps grinning*

Yume: Anyways, as always, a big hug to all my reviewers. Four chapters---well, five now---and no flames yet! I'm so happy…

Yami: *blinks* Oi! Stoppit!

Yume: …?

Yami: *pokes Scarlet_Kurama* Your mate is poking me!

Yume: *sweatdrop* …Mate?

Yami: *gets into a poking war with Kurama*

Yume: -.-;; Oy.)


	6. Please, Don't Hate Me For This

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 6

Please, Don't Hate Me For This…

Minamino Shiori tapped on the door to her son's bedroom once more before pushing it open just a crack. She peered in and nudged the door further open.

            "Shuuichi?" It was coming up on noon and the boy still hadn't come downstairs, which struck her as strange behavior for him. He was always so punctual…As she stepped into the room she observed that he wasn't in bed and was momentarily puzzled until she caught sight of the red hair spilled across the desk beneath his window. The woman sighed and walked over to where her son lay, bent uncomfortably onto his arms. At first glance it appeared that Shuuichi had once more dozed off in his schoolwork, but she quickly realized that the desk was blank of its usual potpourri of books and papers. A breeze flitted through the open window, billowing the curtains, and she leaned over him to close it.

            "Hiei?" Kurama sat up suddenly, blinking off sleep. What he saw was not the ill-tempered little fire demon he had fallen asleep in vigil waiting for but his human mother, looking at him curiously. He stifled a sigh and managed a polite smile for her. "Oh, good morning, mother…" Shiori returned the smile, but it quickly faded to a concerned frown. 

"Shuu-chan, I'm worried about you. This is the third morning in a row I've found you like this…is something wrong?" For a moment Kurama was without words. _Of course something's wrong! He hasn't come back…_He looked away for a moment, not daring to meet his mother's eyes until he felt the disappointment in himself sufficiently masked behind his pleasant expression.

"No, 'kaa-san, everything's fine. I'm sorry to have worried you." Shiori nodded slowly, wanting badly to believe him but finding difficulty seeing past the hint of sadness in his eyes.

"All right…remember, if anything's wrong, you can always talk to me about it, okay?" The idea almost made Kurama chuckle as he tried to imagine explaining to his mother that his recent discontent was due to the absence of the little demon that he had at some point fallen for…yet he managed a nod and another shallow smile, and this placated his mother enough that she smiled back and turned to leave. He heard the door close behind her and waited for her footsteps to retreat down the hallway before allowing his head to fall wearily into his hands with a soft groan. Another morning and still no sign of Hiei…would the little youkai _ever_ come back? He recreated the scene in his mind for the _n_th time---his impulsive embrace, Hiei's stiff withdrawal…He knew that he had been pushing the limits all day but somehow the sight of the ill-tempered demon napping peacefully against him had been impossible to resist. And now he---wait, what was that? Kurama's head snapped up abruptly, startled into awareness by an all-too familiar presence tugging at his consciousness.

Hiei… 

It was him, the ki signature was unmistakeable, and Kurama jumped from his chair to open the window. He stepped back and waited a few moments, eyes flashing over the leafed canopy of the tall maple. Hiei had once again hidden himself in the shadows, but it was made perfectly clear by his unmasked ki that he wasn't truly trying to hide this time.

Hiei didn't know what he was doing here. Why had he come back? After…after _that_…he had no reason to see the fox today anyways. But he knew. He had returned to those familiar branches in the evenings, lacking any more suitable place to sleep, always careful to wait until he was certain Kurama had fallen asleep. The sight of the redhead draped over his desk, the window always open in a gesture of hopeful invitation…it made Hiei uneasy for reasons he couldn't quite place. The idea of someone –anyone— actually wanting his presence was a foreign idea to the Forbidden Child. But he had grown tired of simply observing, and he had to know. At the time, "I don't know" had seemed a reasonable explanation for Kurama's stolen closeness. Now that Hiei had had a few days to think about this, however, he was no longer content with such a vague answer. _Something_ had driven the fox to wrap his arms around Hiei as he slept, and he wanted to know what. Carefully setting his face in its emotionless mask, he leapt smoothly into the now-open window, perching in the sill and looking as casually as he could manage to Kurama.

The moment was painful for him. Overjoyed to finally see the object of his affections after his three-day disappearance, Kurama was once again greeted with the irresistible urge to take the little half-Koorime in his arms, if just to make sure he was really here and wouldn't be able to leave. He forced himself not to, insisting to his subconscious that he had learned his lesson about asking such closeness from the distant youkai. And now…he started to smile and opened his mouth to greet Hiei, only to find himself unable to speak. _Not yet…don't get your hopes up…he could still be upset with you…_His eyes searched Hiei's face for any trace of anger, or forgiveness, or…or anything, really, any clue to his feelings. There was none to be found. It was Hiei who eventually broke the awkward silence.

"Fox." His tone was cool but commanding, and it made Kurama a little nervous. The next thing he said was what turned his nervousness to outright panic.

"I want to know why you…I want to know why." Kurama bit his lip and shook his head helplessly, forcing the only words that came easily to mind. 

"I don't—"

"And don't say," Hiei continued, cutting him off, "that you don't know. I just want the truth. Or is that too much to ask, _Youko_?" Kurama blinked and looked at his feet. The significance of the sarcastically stressed title was not wasted on him. Youkos were crafty creatures by nature, predisposed to things like dishonesty and trickery when it would get them what they wanted. In his life as said Youko, Kurama had exemplified all these less-than-honorable traits of his kind, and Hiei knew this. He took a deep breath and brushed a few loose strands of hair out of his face, praying that Hiei would believe the truth…and that he would be able to accept it.

"Hiei…I…" He stammered a little, glancing briefly to the youkai's face before managing to continue. "I just…like to be close to you." This was the understatement of the century- Kurama gravitated towards his friend's presence like a rose stretching for the sun- but such poetic musings were best left unsaid. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, he stole another look at Hiei's expression. What he saw, and what he heard a moment later, surprised him considerably.

The look on the little youkai's face was one of curious consideration. He looked expectantly up at Kurama, an eyebrow raised.

"Why?"

Caught completely off guard, Kurama could only stumble on, speaking purely from his heart.

"Because I…because you make me happy, Hiei. I can't help wanting to be with you…" Hiei's expression had softened, lost some of its suspicion and turned into a sort of bewildered disbelief. When he made no protest, Kurama shakily continued, words fluttering past his lips entirely of their own accord. "I hope you can forgive me…I just wanted to be near you…" His voice trailed off to a near-whisper that Hiei could barely detect. "…I always do…" 

_He has to be lying…why would anyone…_Hiei's thoughts solidified and he frowned, eyeing the nervous demi-youko who stood before him, his gaze lowered almost shamefully. His instincts seemed to be calling for another quick exit, but he fought them and slipped silently from the sill to stand inside Kurama's room. The movement caught Kurama's eye and he looked up, wondering the same thing Hiei was at that moment.

_Why isn't he leaving after all I've said?_ Rather than leaving, however, Hiei steeled his resolve and stepped closer to him. 

"That can't be true." _How could I make you…how could I make anyone happy…_ Kurama blinked and shook his head quickly. 

"It is, Hiei, I swear…when you're with me I feel…I don't know…safe. I feel like things are right when you're around…" Unable to stand the distance between them any more and hardly thinking of the possible consequences any more, Kurama took a step forward and took Hiei's hand in both of his. "Do you…" He hesitated, his words no longer flowing as they had a moment ago. "…Do you know what I mean, Hiei? Being with you makes me feel complete…"

_No…this isn't true…_Hiei struggled with his thoughts, the insistent murmur of suspicion and self-loathing rapidly losing its power in the face of Kurama's gentle confessions. He lowered his eyes to where the same hands that had held him in that inexplicable embrace now warmly clasped his and felt his face grow slightly warm. Kurama slowly took another step, nearly closing the few inches between them, and Hiei looked up, confusion etched on his face. Kurama sighed and closed his eyes. He had to do this now, before Hiei could leave him again. 

"Hiei…" The blush on the small youkai's face darkened as Kurama placed a hand below his chin, tilting his face upward a little and looking sincerely into his eyes. "Please…don't hate me for this…" Hiei started to ask what "this" was and was quickly cut off by the gentle pressure of Kurama's lips on his own. He froze, eyes wide and bewildered, but couldn't make himself pull away for a long moment. Slowly Kurama opened his eyes and stepped back, looking away and preparing himself for the inevitable rejection. A few moments of silence from where Hiei had stood led him to believe that the demon had fled…perhaps for good this time…but when he forced himself to look back, there was Hiei. His face showed pure confusion, tinted an uncharacteristic shade of pink, and a bandaged hand was held to his mouth in a gesture of simple amazement.

_He…he kissed me… _

Slowly he stepped back, bumping into the desk as he did but hardly noticing. Placing a hand on the wood behind him as though he feared he might simply fall over at any moment, he hesitantly raised his gaze to Kurama's eyes. What he saw hurt him in ways he couldn't manage to justify to himself. There was hope there, but it was barely visible behind fear and sadness and longing…and somehow Hiei couldn't make himself run from those eyes. Only the quiet rustle of a breeze in the trees outside marked the silence of the following moments. 

Then Hiei stepped forward, once again reducing the space between them to no more than a few inches. For a painful moment Kurama wondered what the youkai would have to say. Would he be yelled at? No…Hiei's words would be cold, harsh, and---

Hiei's lips moved, but he wasn't speaking. Kurama's eyes widened and it was a moment before he could put together what was truly happening. This moment was what scared Hiei the most. _Am I doing it wrong? Why isn't he…_As soon as his mind could sort out the beautiful warm sensation on his lips, Kurama closed his eyes and leaned down, laying his hands on Hiei's shoulders and gently drawing him closer. Startled, Hiei instinctively reached for the nearest thing to support himself with…which turned out to be Kurama. He wrapped his arms around the redhead's slender waist but the momentary feeling of balance was quickly taken away as he felt Kurama's lips part against his, silently asking Hiei to do the same. Hesitantly he did so and was instantly rewarded with a whole new sort of feeling. Something akin to a small gasp escaped him and he unconsciously tightened his grip on the folds of Kurama's shirt.

The faint sound, added to the already delicious feeling of the moment, nearly drove Kurama crazy. The very idea of Hiei making such a delicate noise---because of what he himself was doing---sent a shiver down his spine, and he pulled the blushing youkai closer to him, savoring the intimacy for another moment before he found himself forced to pull back and catch his breath. He opened his eyes and was greeted with a sight that would stay with him for a long time. Hiei stood, nearly leaning against him, his face flushed and drawn into a dazedly peaceful expression. His lips were still parted ever so slightly and the breaths that issued from them were fast and a little shaky. 

It was, in Kurama's opinion, one of the most beautiful things he had ever witnessed. 

He gazed reverently down at Hiei, who slowly opened his eyes as well. For a moment that was all there was. Kurama looked at Hiei, Hiei looked at Kurama, and the silence that danced between them wasn't awkward or hostile like the moments that had happened in the past. It was charged with a sort of warmth and honesty that left Kurama nearly ecstatic and Hiei…

Hiei, in spite of the joy of the moment, was still torn with uncertainty. His eyes turned to the window and his face slipped into a frown that made Kurama very uneasy. _Surely he isn't going to leave…he can't…_

            "Kurama…" Hiei's voice was soft, the deep tone lacking its usual conviction. "I…I can't do this…" 

(A/N:

Yami: Gah! You're leaving it off –there-?!? People are going to hate you until you put up the next chapter!

Yume: *nodnod* I have my reasons. Besides, you of all people should approve…

Yami: Oh right. Angst. Mwahaha.

Yume: *sigh* Okay all, stay tuned…come on, you know you want to…you wanna see what's gonna happen to this infinitely confused relationship.

Yami: Stick around or I'll poke you.

Yume: …-.-;;)


	7. To Make You Happy

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 7

To Make You Happy…

--"Kurama…" Hiei's voice was soft, the deep tone lacking its usual conviction. "I…I can't do this…" --

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emerald eyes softened sadly.

"Why not?"

Hiei took a deep breath, carefully reciting the old doctrine by which his life had been governed since his birth on that icy island.

"I'm not allowed happiness. I'm Forbidden and cursed and---" Hiei stopped and blinked, startled, as Kurama had quite suddenly wrapped his arms around him and was holding him close. His voice was a gentle murmur, tinged with sadness.

"That isn't true, Hiei…haven't you hurt yourself enough with that sort of thinking?" He knelt, bringing himself down to Hiei's eye level and placing his hands on the thin shoulders. "You have every right to be happy…" Once again his arms wrapped around the troubled little youkai and he closed his eyes, his lips nearly brushing Hiei's ear as he almost whispered.

"I want to make you happy, Hiei…"

To make me happy… 

The thought was so…so…so unbelievable. Those words, at any other time from any other person, would have been ignored, seen as some humorless joke. But here, now, with his cheek pressed softly against Kurama's hair…

If this was happiness, he wanted to keep it.

He searched for a response to the softly-spoken proposition for a moment. Finding none, he closed his eyes and nodded very slightly.

Scarcely trusting himself with words, Kurama merely tightened his hold on Hiei, sighing quietly and turning his head to place a soft kiss on the youkai's blush-tinted cheek.

"Hiei…tell me…what would make you happy?"

A few thoughts came to mind. Assurance of his sister's safety. The opportunity to return to Makai. No longer having to work for that brat of a godling. Those answers weren't the ones Kurama was looking for, though, and he knew it. There was something else…

He withdrew from the embrace just enough to be face to face with Kurama, then tentatively closed his eyes. His silent request was as good as spoken for the fox, who gently placed a hand on Hiei's cheek before leaning forward and closing the space between them. This time the demon's reaction was nearly instant. He pushed almost impatiently into the kiss, once again telling Kurama exactly what to do without speaking a word. Again Kurama's lips parted and he deepened the kiss, his mouth working gently at Hiei's and managing to coax a number of small excited noises from him that thrilled Kurama to no end. Slowly Hiei began to respond to the kiss, making his best effort to imitate the gentle motions Kurama was performing.

            The effort was noticed and very appreciated by the redhead, and something not entirely unlike a moan slipped past his lips as he tugged Hiei closer, resting lightly against him.

            _This is too good…_Hiei wrapped his arms around Kurama, then opened his eyes as the feeling of Kurama's lips on his suddenly disappeared. It was replaced by something nearly as nice. He instinctively leaned his head to the side as Kurama's mouth came to rest lightly on his neck. Dazed crimson eyes slid shut again as Hiei felt the soft brush of Kurama's lips against his skin, and---

"Shuuichi!"

Kurama opened one eye and frowned.

"Shuuichi, are you still up there? I need you to come to the store with me, dear, help me pick out some new flowers for the table!" His mother's voice carried up the stairs and into his room and he groaned quietly, pulling back from Hiei and standing up. The youkai blinked and looked rather irritably up at him. Kurama half-smiled and shrugged helplessly.

            "This shouldn't take long…do you want to wait here for me?" Hiei shook his head and walked to the window, hopping nimbly up onto the sill. There was a slight chuckle and a nod from Kurama as he turned to open his bedroom door. He paused a moment, glancing back over his shoulder.

            "Hiei, I---" Kurama blinked and sighed- Hiei had already gone. But this parting lacked the pained undertone of some of their more recent separations, and Kurama smiled to himself as he went downstairs.

_Hiei…I think I love you._

(A/N:

Yami: That was short.

Yume: Of course it was. You saw where I cut off the previous one.

Yami: Yeah, but that was…really short.

Yume: Oh, shut up.

Yami: No, really! All it was was Hiei and Kurama cuddling a little! 

Yume: You gotta problem with that?

Yami: *shakes head quickly* Nope.

Yume: Can I get a little sappy and personal for a sec?

Yami: No.

Yume: *glares* Well I'm going to. This chapter is dedicated to –my- Kurama. My treasure. Ai shiteru.

Yami: …the one who was poking me?

Yume: *sweatdrop* Yeah…)


	8. Shelter From The Storm

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 8

Shelter From The Storm

Some days had passed since Kurama had stolen those first kisses from Hiei, and things were irritatingly unchanged when it came to their day-by-day interactions…or lack thereof. Hiei had returned to his usual pattern of nesting nightly in the maple and only appearing when Kurama was lucky enough to catch a glimpse through the branches at him. However, tonight would be different….the redhead smiled to himself as he looked out that window. Storm clouds rumbled ominously in the distance, and the wind smelled of rain. He used to dislike this sort of weather, back when it made hunting difficult, but now he saw it as a blessing. A downpour like the one on the way would undoubtedly force his dark little companion to seek shelter.

_To seek shelter here_…he mused, smiling. He could invite Hiei in, make some hot chocolate, see if his mother would let him light the fireplace…_oh right, mother's out tonight…_The idea of having the house alone for the evening with Hiei…oh, it was delicious. He grinned to himself and cheerily sat down on the edge of his bed, humming an old tune to himself as he watched the skies outside his window darken.

            Sure enough, it wasn't long before rain began to pelt the rooftops, sliding in fat drops down the windowpane as a cold wind shook the branches of what he had come to think of as Hiei's tree. There was a _creak_ from said window and Kurama looked up to see a vision so out-of-place it was almost funny. There, just inside the window, stood a very familiar figure, clad in black and drenched from head to toe. He stood, dripping and looking immensely annoyed. Kurama stifled a laugh and stood, going to the soggy little youkai's side.

            "Why didn't you come in sooner? Look at you…" Chuckling, he quickly walked to the linen closet in the hall and returned with a fluffy pink towel. Hiei eyed the towel warily for a moment, but before he could protest found himself being wrapped in it. He blinked and looked to Kurama, who smiled sweetly and ruffled Hiei's sodden hair. The youkai pulled away almost immediately and growled quietly, grabbing the towel from Kurama's hands and pulling it close around himself. The redhead couldn't take it any more and he sat back down on his bed, laughing helplessly.

            Hiei, on the other hand, couldn't imagine what was so damned funny. He was cold---and he hated being cold. He was wet---and he hated being wet. Besides, there was an uncomfortable something prodding at the back of his mind; something that had been triggered the moment Kurama had brought out the towel. He glared over the edge of said towel at the giggling demi-youko.

            "What the hell are _you_ laughing about?" Even his voice was shivering, but it bore a tone icier than the rain he had been caught in. Kurama bit his lip and had to wait a moment for his laughter to subside. If Hiei had looked out of place when he first entered the room, the addition of the fuzzy towel was just too much. He chuckled and shook his head.   
            "N-no, nothing…heh…I just thought of something, that's all…here, um…" He looked the waterlogged youkai up and down and sighed. This had happened before; Hiei tended to stay outside until he absolutely couldn't stand it any more. Only then would he allow himself to seek refuge in the warmth of Kurama's house…which meant that when he _did_ finally come in, he was a very wet and very ill-tempered little demon. This was all routine…Kurama turned, rifling through his dresser, and produced a pair of pale green pajamas. He offered the clothes to Hiei as he had done many times before…but unlike so many other times, the youkai merely eyed them for a moment and pulled the towel tighter around himself in silent refusal. Confused, Kurama frowned a little and set the pajamas on his bed.

            "You really should get out of those wet clothes, Hiei, you might get sick…"

            "Why the hell do you care?"

            Hiei's words were tempered with something much colder than simple annoyance, and Kurama blinked, startled. Why was…had he done something wrong? He paled slightly and leaned back on his hands, looking curiously at Hiei. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft and as non-confrontational as he could manage.

            "Of course I care, Hiei…why, shouldn't I?" Hiei froze. Somehow he had thought this would be easier, but that gentle tone was so painful…still, he had to say this. He gathered up his resolve, turning his eyes from Kurama.

            "No."

(A/N:

Yami: ANGST!

Yume: Ugh.

Yami: Woohoo! Angst!

Yume: . …hn. Short and cliffhangery…so I'll keep the notes short and stick them after the next chapter…)


	9. Nothing But Pain?

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 9

Nothing But Pain?

No words came to Kurama. The happy dream had been so short…now it seemed to be ending before it could begin. He stammered helplessly for a moment and stood, trying to find some explanation in Hiei's eyes, but they were cast to the ground and Kurama could only manage a bewildered whisper.

            "…H…Hiei…"

            _This hurts too much…but…_

            "You have no reason to care about me. You don't and you shouldn't. Don't you get it, youko?"

            "Hiei…"

            "I'm the mistake of the Koorime…"

            "You're not a mis-"  
            "The Forbidden one…"

            "Please, Hiei, stop…"

            "I don't need you to care about me…"

            "Stop…"

            "And I don't care about---"

            "HIEI!" Hiei blinked and turned in an attempt to pull his shoulders from Kurama's sudden tight grip, but to no avail. He glared defiantly at Kurama, whose eyes shimmered with…what was that…sadness? Betrayal? Shaking hands held the snarling youkai in place and Kurama leaned down till they were eye to eye.

            "Hiei…" His lip curled in sudden derision and he eyed Hiei coldly in a manner more befitting the youko he had once been than the human guise he now wore.

            "You're such a coward sometimes."

            Hiei scowled, small fangs bared fiercely, but he couldn't manage a response. Kurama continued, the tremble in his voice at odds with his icy words.

            "Why are you so afraid of caring? And being cared for, for that matter? Why's that so scary to you, hm? Why?" Hiei's eyes were wide as he wrenched his shoulders from Kurama's grasp, but he said nothing. Slowly Kurama stood up, taking a step back. "So…that's it, isn't it? You're so stuck in the past you won't let yourself live in the present. You could care if you wanted to, but you don't. Is it easier that way, Hiei? Pretending you don't have emotions?" 

            _No, no, no…there's nothing easy about this…_Hiei shut his eyes tightly, but he could still see Kurama standing there, his expression pleading, begging with his eyes to be corrected. He forced the words to come, spilling out shakily in a weak mockery of his usual cold tone.

            "I have no use for emotions. People who open themselves up to be hurt by offering care like that…they're fools." Kurama nodded slowly and sat back down on the edge of his bed.

 "…besides…" Hiei's words were quiet and deliberate, and the voice in which the youkai spoke them stung of painful honesty. "Caring about someone will only cause you pain."

_Of course he'd say that…_the redhead frowned, looking sadly up at Hiei, wordlessly prompting him to continue. He didn't, though, and Kurama sighed

            "I know it can hurt…" Hiei shot him a quick glance, his eyes narrowed in angered disbelief. "I know that. But there's more to it---"

            "Like what?" Hiei snarled, the towel slipping from his shoulders to land in a damp heap on the wooden floor. "You think I've never cared for anyone? I know what it's like. Watching that person. Hurting every time they're hurt. Trying to protect them and blaming their problems on yourself…" Kurama's eyes widened, what was Hiei saying? He cared? His gaze turned, searching Hiei's face, and the youkai found his cheeks warming under the stare as he quickly stammered an explanation. 

"…my sister…"

_Oh…right. Of course he cares about her…I'm getting too arrogant._ Again Kurama nodded, praying the disappointment in his eyes didn't show.

            "There's nothing but pain for you? What about when she's happy? I've seen you smile when you watch her playing with her birds…it's practically the only time you ever look happy. Am I right?"

            _Hn…he really thinks I'm just talking about my sister…Like I've ever had to watch Yukina nearly kill herself in battle…_Satisfied with the apparent success of his deception but unsettled by Kurama's ever-perceptive response, Hiei merely shrugged and looked out the rain-streaked window, watching the branches of his favorite tree lash about in the wind.

            "Hiei…" The youkai turned at the sound of his name and Kurama stood from the bed. "My caring…how has that ever hurt you?" Finally, a question he knew the answer to. His eyes passed over the room, refusing to meet Kurama's for fear of being captured by their sincerity.

            "I already told you. To care about someone is to subject yourself to unnecessary pain. There's no reason for you to put yourself through that. Especially on my account." It took a moment for Hiei's words to sink in, and as Kurama realized what had been said he chuckled humorlessly, shaking his head. The laugh brought Hiei's glare.

            "What's so damn funny about that?" 

Kurama's smile faded slightly and he sighed.

            "You don't want me in pain…" 

Hiei blinked, quickly realizing the error in his words, but had no answer other than the one that first came to mind.

            "Why would I?" At this Kurama actually smirked but quickly softened his expression when he caught sight of the confused frustration on his little companion's face.

            "And what would you call that?" Crimson eyes narrowed fiercely. _Damn…he got me…_He knew the answer but refused to say it, once more considering the practicality- or lack thereof- of egressing in spite of the storm. Before he could move, Kurama had grabbed his arm, already predicting Hiei's thoughts of escape. His grip was gentle but very firm, and Hiei struggled against it for only a moment before reluctantly allowing himself to be held in place.

_            What am I doing? This isn't the way to get through to him…_granted, the youko side of his mind had some very…interesting…ideas on what the right way to do so would be, but that wasn't really what he had had in mind for the direction of the conversation. After a matter of moments he released Hiei's arm and sat back down on the bed, his eyes turned from the discontented little youkai. Glaring, Hiei rubbed his arm where it had been clutched and looked away as well.

            "What do you want me to say?" His voice affected a mocking tone, high and sarcastic. "Oh, Kurama, I truly care, please take care of me…" He trailed off, vaguely aware of the hurt in the emerald eyes that now looked up to him.

            "You don't need to say anything, Hiei." It was a good thing, too, since the demon had become completely silent. "Although it might be nice if you were honest for once…to yourself, at least."

            The silence was heavy and would have been unbearable if not for the reassuringly unceasing sounds of the storm pounding outside. _A youko asking for honesty…_the thought manifested itself in a smirk that spread slowly across Hiei's face, the sort of smirk that nobody but Kurama would be able to interpret, like the muttered "Hn"'s that were the youkai's usual form of expression. And just as he knew the thoughts that crossed Hiei's mind, he knew there was no safe response to them. Instead the fox pursued a different tangent that had been pulling at him since that first denial of his care.

            "I do want to know, though…why now?"

            "Why now what?"

            "You never…" Kurama's voice caught and he struggled for an appropriate phrase. "You never pushed me away before." Arms folded stubbornly across his chest, Hiei leaned back against a painted wall and glared irritably.

            "Of course I didn't. You were just being---" Wait, what? _What am I saying? He was just being kind? What if all this time…_Once again Kurama found himself at a loss, faced with an expression of betrayed confusion but finding no easy answer to it. As recognition dawned on Hiei, he instinctively moved to step back, his eyes widening even as he backed into the wall he had been leaning on.

            "You always…did you always have _this_ in mind?" He practically spat the word at Kurama, who hesitantly stood and looked at him helplessly. 

"…'this'?" 

Hiei glared and lifted a hand to his lips, turning his face to hide a sudden rush of warmth that lent an increasingly annoying pinkish tint to his cheeks. His voice was lowered in accusation, barely audible over the still-unsubsiding storm.

            "You know what I mean."

            And he did, now. Kurama's heart seemed to drop in his chest at the charge brought against him. _He thinks I've been taking advantage of him…_He stepped closer, placing a gentle hand on a shoulder trembling with angry frustration, but Hiei shook it off and turned away. The youkai's stubbornness was beginning to wear on him and Kurama found himself asking something that, had he been in a better mood, he would have been far too sensible to consider asking.

            "So you didn't like it?"

            _How the hell am I supposed to answer that?_

            "That's not the point..."

            "Isn't it?"

             "…" Hiei had never considered himself good with words, but that had never seemed like such a big deal before. Now all he wanted was to steal the youko's eloquence for himself and summon up some witty retort. Unfortunately, that wasn't happening, and the pained demon could only glare at the ground in helpless silence as he struggled with the question. Yes, it had been nice, but…_but you know it can't work out. He's Youko Kurama, dammit, even if you could trust him it's not like you can offer him anything he'd want._ Another part of his mind found the error of this idea and pointed it out to him. _Offer him? Why should you? You don't need to reduce yourself to that…_

But you –did- like it… 

The look in Hiei's eyes was enough to soften Kurama's tone, when he spoke again.

            "Hiei…if you did like it…" _If…hah…_the youko had been around long enough to know when someone was happy, or content, or simply ecstatic in a given moment, and the small noises and insistent embrace Hiei had offered under his attentions were all the evidence he needed…still, for the sake of the little demon's pride, he forced himself to speak in the hypothetical. "If you did, then…then why not? I'm not asking you to say you care, I'm not asking for that…" Hiei's sudden accusatory glare stopped him and he quickly corrected himself. "But I'm not asking for _that_ either."

            "Then what do you want from me?" There was no implication, no offer made in the youkai's words, he was careful about that. It was a simple question, one carefully tailored in his mind to avoid giving the fox any…_ideas_. What it had given him, as it were, was a mess of confusion, one that he had been carefully thinking around until the question was put to him in that flat, clear manner. _What do I want? What do I expect from him?_

            "I guess…patience, at least. You may not hold any feelings for me…" Once again he had shifted the tense of the suggestion to a purely theoretical one, putting Hiei slightly at ease. "…but even so, I won't deny that I care very strongly for you. If you truly don't wish this relationship to go beyond companionship, then…" He paused a moment, the words sticking in his throat and threatening to betray him. 

"…then that's okay with me. It doesn't have to."

            Hiei had been prepared to refuse, to accuse Kurama of being manipulative or trying to get something he never could…but put that way, how could he? The choice was being offered, and in spite of the obviousness of Kurama's desire regarding his response it was still a choice. He wasn't being forced into anything, to his surprise, and he managed little more than a raised eyebrow and a nod.

            "Hn…" Kurama bit his lip, steeling himself for rejection for the second time in a matter of days. He had been lucky last time, due most likely to the fact that Hiei had been somewhat…unbalanced…from the kiss. This time, Hiei was thinking much more clearly. All that would come from the delicate lips, if indeed there was anything, would be a scornful goodbye and---

            "I'll think about it."

(A/N:

Yami: ANGST!

Yume: Ugh.

Yami: Woohoo! Angst!

Yume: . …hn. Short and cliffhangery…so I'll keep the notes short and stick them after the next chapter…)


	10. It's Not Like I'm Rejecting You

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 10

It's Not Like I'm Rejecting You

"W-what?"

            Hiei calmly walked to the window, outside which the storm had almost completely subsided. "I said I'll think about it. If this is as important to you as you're making it seem you won't mind being a little patient." Kurama nodded quickly, yes, this was important, yes, he could be patient, he could give Hiei some time…

            "Of course…ne, Hiei…that tree is probably soaked…you know you're welcome to spend the night here if you like—" Hiei had already unlatched the window as he turned and shook his head in the negative. At the sigh he received in response he raised an eyebrow.

            "Hn. Don't look so upset. It's not like I'm rejecting you. I just don't see any need to force you out of your own bed."

            "You can have the—" Kurama automatically began to correct him, only to find that the youkai had once again vanished. As he walked to close the window, ignoring the small puddle of rain that was the only trace his…whatever Hiei was to him at this point…had left, something tugged at his mind. Something in Hiei's words…

_"It's not like I'm rejecting you."_

That was a very comforting thought. He forced himself not to read too much into it, refusing to make any guesses as to the youkai's intentions or feelings until he was certain he wouldn't be proved wrong about them. Still…he couldn't help but smile a little as he flopped back onto his bed, wondering in the back of his mind when it had gotten so late. He hadn't said 'the words' yet but by now Hiei had to know how he felt, and knowing this gave the feeling of a great burden being lifted. Hiei could have his time to think, as much time as he needed…

…_after all, it's not like he's rejecting me…_

            Night came and went, morning rose and faded into afternoon, one day became the next…Hiei immersed himself in excessive sword-practice sessions in a small forest not far from Kurama's home, devoting absolutely none of his thought to the speed with which he leapt about, or to the katana that he sliced through the air time after time. He was keeping to his word in the extreme, thinking about Kurama's proposal, his offered affections…and thinking _only_ about those affections. For the first day or so he had resisted this, trying against all odds to return his thoughts to subjects he was better acquainted with. This had proved futile before long and he had abandoned himself to deep meditation on the subject, coming to a few conclusions.

1. I have basically two choices. Refuse his care and keep things as they are, or…or let him steer this elsewhere.

_2. If…-if-…I let this go further…I'm opening myself up to be hurt._

3. He's hesitant, which means he obviously hasn't noticed how –I- feel.

This last point kept coming back to him. Kurama was apparently very certain of how he felt and had made sure Hiei was as well. But as for his own unresolved emotions…deep down Hiei couldn't deny what he had always passed off as a completely understandable attraction to the beautiful kitsune. Nothing too strange about that, he reasoned, he's always been desirable to demons and humans alike. But the tenderness of Kurama's words, the gentle patience of his actions, were clear indicators even for Hiei that this was not to be a relationship based purely on desire. What was it he had said?

_"I won't deny that I care very strongly for you."_

            That was what shook him. Physical attraction, foreign as it was to the solitary little youkai, was at least something that could be reasoned with, something that could be blamed on hormones or other semi-logical catalysts. But care…that touched too many nerves. If what Kurama had said was indeed true, it would shatter Hiei's long-held perceptions of his fate, his lot in life. Nobody was ever supposed to care for the Forbidden Child…nobody ever had…but now Kurama claimed to break that taboo, freely offering his concern and affection. It was all so confusing…to think, Kurama, -the- Kurama….caring for him, the great error of his race. 

            It occurred to Hiei, at some point, that he still wasn't fully aware of where Kurama planned to take this, how things would change. He had seen human couples from time to time and found them, as a general rule, sickening. If the youko expected him to go for all that mushy stuff, cuddling and spouting off nauseatingly sweet petnames and declarations of affection…hn, not on his life. If what he wanted was a bedmate…well, that was another disconcerting thought. Sex was as foreign as love to Hiei, who knew only what he had overheard in the lewd jokes of the thieves who had once raised him.

            And then it occurred to him. Kurama wanted the words. Whatever he had planned after that, Kurama wanted a confession, wanted Hiei to admit his own feelings, to offer some confirmation…

            Hiei wasn't sure he could give that to Kurama. Even –he- didn't know what he thought at this point. Thinking on the kitsune's care inevitably dragged him to the topic of his own emotions, an unruly tangle of denial and desire and things he couldn't name…There was only one thing to be done at this point. He had to go back, talk to Kurama, find out what he felt, what he was supposed to feel, what to call the irresistible draw in that offer of care…

            There was a blur, the faint displacement of air, and a few birds took flight as the forest lost its most thoughtful visitor.

(A/N:

Yume: It's getting complicated now, ne? Romance and angst and deep thinking on the part of everyone's favorite youkai couple?

Yami: *nods, sips diet coke, pokes Scarlet_Kurama* Mmhn.

Yume: Wow…30 reviews…thanks so much, everyone! ^.^ I'm glad you're all liking the story so far and I assure you there is plenty more where this came from, so stick around. Oh, and by the way…I have one or two pictures that illustrate scenes from this story… is the general link to all of my pictures, I am pretty sure the only one that actually goes to the story---well, the only one that I've uploaded, is However…you should still check out the other ones. ^.^;; Lots of Hiei, lots of Kurama, and some Yu-Gi-Oh thrown in too.)


	11. Flowers, A Hammock, And Truth

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 11

Flowers, A Hammock, And Truth

Hiei found Kurama relaxing in a hammock stretched between a pair of small trees near the edge of his backyard garden. Rather than approach, he hesitated at the edge of said garden, inches away from the impeccable sea of flowers. Tall sunny bursts of yellow, a carpet of miniscule blue-violet blossoms…and roses, so many roses, all of them seeming to stretch towards their redheaded caretaker…

            It seemed wrong to disturb Kurama in this place, this botanical oasis that hummed with the ki he poured into his beloved plants and where he had apparently dozed off. But still…Hiei sighed as he carefully stepped along the stone paths laid through the garden, hoping against hope that he wasn't asleep; it had taken a while for him to get into the right mindset for this meeting, and he wasn't sure how well it would go if he had to try again later. Slowly, silently, Hiei made his way to the side of the hammock, half-expecting the plants that surrounded him to alert Kurama to his presence somehow. This didn't seem to be the case, though, and he stopped beside one of the trees from which the hammock was strung. 

            "I'm glad you came back."

            Hiei almost jumped at the sudden sound of a human voice. Kurama's? No…the emerald eyes were still closed in sleep, and this voice was older, higher, that of a human female…He turned quickly to see a brown-haired woman he recognized as Kurama's human mother standing just outside the back door of the house. Unsure of what she meant or how this woman knew him, Hiei said nothing, eyeing her somewhat warily as he waited for her to continue. She did so, taking a hesitant step forward as she spoke.

            "You're him, aren't you? Shuuichi's friend?" One thing Shiori knew, perhaps from her son's descriptions of the dark-haired boy and perhaps simply from his manner, the suspicion with which he looked at her, was not to expect an answer. She nodded, looking at him thoughtfully and trying not to be worried by what appeared to be a sword hanging at his side. "Yes…I'm very glad you're here…my son has been talking about you a lot lately." Hiei's surprise showed on his face, and Shiori laughed softly. "He said you have something important to discuss, so I guess I'll let you two do that…" She gave Hiei a polite smile as she turned back to the house, then hesitated. "Ne…" Her voice was soft, and the eyes that looked hopefully at Hiei were gentle.

            "Please don't hurt him." The bewildered look that the little demon cast to her went unnoticed as she spoke on, half-smiling and turning her eyes to where Kurama lay in still-silent repose. "I don't know exactly what he wants to talk to you about, but my Shuuichi clearly cares about it a lot." There was a knowing twinkle in her eye as she returned her gaze to Hiei. "And I think I can safely say…he cares about you a lot as well." Hiei was once again without words, wide-eyed at this revelation. How did she know, how could she be sure? Shiori's smile grew gentler as she nodded, and Hiei's eyes turned to the ground. Kurama had always spoken so highly of this woman, of her care…he couldn't help but think that someone so close to the fox would have a sense of his feelings, and so he looked to her and nodded solemnly.

            "I won't hurt your son."

            The words were stern but not rude, firm without being harsh, and Shiori found herself full of respect for the mysterious boy. Her son spoke so highly of him, of the quiet little one with the cold eyes….and then she smiled, musing that Shuuichi's description wasn't entirely accurate. Those eyes, such a curious shade of crimson, weren't cold…sad, somehow far too old for the boy, but not at that moment cold.

            "Thank you." She left him with a polite little bow, returning inside and leaving Hiei to his thoughts…and to Kurama. It was with a quiet sigh that Hiei leaned over, watching the sleeping redhead rock gently from side to side in the breeze. As Hiei drew nearer he swore he could see Kurama smiling…yes, that was definitely a smile…the little youkai was scarcely aware that in his study of his companion's countenance he had brought his own face within a few inches of the one he so carefully watched. Then he felt Kurama's soft breath on his cheek and froze, immediately self-conscious. Gently, slowly, he placed his hand on the kitsune's shoulder and nudged him a few times.

            "Fox…hey…" Kurama's sleep had been light, and his eyelids fluttered open. Upon seeing Hiei, the smile that had been etched on his face as he dreamt grew broader.

            "Hiei…" That voice was so warm, Hiei couldn't help being drawn in by it…but he was going to try. He had come here for information, for answers, and he stubbornly refused to leave, or to let…anything…happen, until he got them. 

            With a yawn, Kurama pushed himself into the closest thing to a sitting position the hammock would allow. "I hope you haven't been waiting long…" The mixture of apprehension and determination he saw on Hiei's face prompted him to skip the formalities, and he closed his eyes again for a moment before speaking. "…you came back…tell me…" He paused a moment to steady his voice. "…you've been thinking about what I said?" Hiei nodded once, looking thoughtfully down at him.

            "And?"

            "And I want a better explanation. Tell me clearly what you're offering."

            Kurama blinked and sighed, leaning back a little and sending the hammock into a lazy swing.

            "What I'm offering…" Every word had to be carefully chosen, he knew, the wrong phrasing could ruin everything, and now Hiei was so close…he wouldn't let himself miscommunicate, not about something this significant. "…is…myself. A relationship that could make us both more complete. And, Hiei…" He paused again, this part was important. "…I'm offering everything life hasn't given you. Warmth, happiness…" He felt his face grow warm under Hiei's intense gaze but forced himself to continue.

"And…love."

Love.

What a word.

What a thought.

_What the hell?_

(A/N:

Yami: FINALLY!

Yume: …

Yami: Took the kitsune long enough, ne?

Yume: *sigh* Er, yes. Cute. Fluffy. And reviewed! We're up to nearly 40 reviews, so, many hugs to all of you. And…if you don't mind me getting personal for a sec---

Yami: We do.

Yume: This fic is dedicated to anyone who's been going through trouble in his or her life lately. Stay strong, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm on Yahoo!IM as hiei_the_pyro. If this seems random, then…okay. Let it be random. But keep it in mind, ne?

Yami: Next chapter will be up soon, so stay tuned.

Yume: Oh right! Next chapter…it's gonna be the last one ^.^ Whee...)


	12. Finding The Words

If I Could Care for You 

By Yume

Yu Yu Hakusho, HxK shounen-ai

Chapter 12

Finding The Words

(A/N: Oh man…last chappie…yeah, I'll save the notes till the end, let's get to the fluff!)

Hiei could no longer meet his eyes.

"Why would you say that?"

Kurama's voice, when he spoke, was gentle.

"Because it's true. That's what I'm offering to you."

Hiei's eyes said it all, which was fortunate since he could summon no words to answer Kurama. Love was made for anyone else…not him, not the forbidden one, not the cold demon killer with the unforgivable past…He shook his head, refusing to accept what had just been said…for now he could continue on to the next piece of uncertainty he had brought to the discussion-namely, how he himself felt. But then he realized it. This new confession, this insane ideal, would not be so easily put aside. In fact, he could even use it. If Kurama knew that, perhaps he would know what Hiei was feeling as well, and tell him.

"I don't know what I can offer in return."

Kurama's expression grew gentler and he cautiously reached out, placing his hand on Hiei's arm.

            "You don't need to offer m—"

            "That's not what I mean." Hiei cut him off mid-sentence, anticipating the rest of his words and shaking his head. "I have something, I…" The next word caught in his throat, and for a moment he had to force himself to come to terms with it for the _n_th time since those first kisses they had shared not so long ago. "I –feel- something. I just don't know what it is."

            Kurama blinked and searched Hiei's face, none of the significance of the phrase lost on him. Hiei admitting to feeling something, something other than base emotions like annoyance or anger…something important had just happened, and he couldn't help feeling that there was more to come. Seeing the self-conscious confusion painted on the half-koorime's face stirred Kurama's emotions and he nodded, his voice soft.

            "I can try to help you figure that out…if you'll let me." The only response was a nod, and Kurama sat back further, patting the hammock next to him. "Here, sit."

What Hiei thought was, _I'd rather not_.

What Hiei did was to sit down in the hammock next to him.

What Hiei thought seemed to bear very little relation to what actually happened as of late.

            Kurama just nodded approvingly and closed his eyes again, resisting the urge to put his arm around the anxious-looking youkai, who seemed rather at unease with, among countless other things at that moment, the unbalanced rocking of the hammock. Once Hiei had steadied himself somewhat, Kurama sighed and glanced over at him.

            "All right…why don't you tell me what you're feeling…" Hiei frowned and thought a moment.

            "No. You tell me what –you're- feeling. I'll tell you if it's the same." That would be so much easier…unlike Kurama, he had no talent for words and would rather just agree or disagree with whatever eloquent explanations the fox could come up with. He was answered with another sigh and a somewhat shy grin.

            "Oh…well…" He turned to smile warmly at Hiei, then laid back and looked up at the fine canopy of branches above him. "…when you're with me, I just feel so…so good, so safe, like no matter where I might be it's the right place as long as you're there too…sometimes we talk and I love that, because I learn so much from you, I learn so much about you…sometimes we don't talk and that's okay too, because just having you near is so comforting. And when you're not there, especially if it's for a long time…" The smile the redhead wore faded slightly as he thought on this. "…it hurts. It really does. And when you're fighting…you know?" He was rambling, he knew this, he didn't care, all that mattered was that he made his point. "I know you're strong, I know you can hold your own in a fight but every time you get injured…because I care…" Chuckling weakly, Kurama placed his arms behind his head and looked helplessly to Hiei, expecting to be denounced for the thousandth time as the "baka kitsune". What he got was a question, asked in a slightly hesitant tone.

            "So…that's love?" Kurama sighed at the apparent lack of emotion in Hiei's words and nodded slowly.

            "I didn't do a very good job explaining it, but…that's basically what it is." His own question remained unspoken…somehow he couldn't find the words to ask whether Hiei understood, whether Hiei could see how he felt and maybe even feel some of that as well. If he said no…forcing himself not to think about that just yet, he settled for gazing up at Hiei and trying not to get too lost in the way the dark little figure was sillhouetted against the fading sun, or the way a few petals from the garden had been swept into the wind around him, or the way…

            "You…" Hiei's gaze turned from some indistinct point in space to the slender figure lying beside him, and when his eyes met the leaf-green ones that looked so sincerely up at him he froze, the words he had been struggling to say forgotten. 

_Kurama…you said it just right…_

Slowly, so slowly, he leaned down, placing a hand on the hammock beside Kurama's head. 

            "Fox…"

            Kurama's smile, so warm, so disarming…

            "I can't say it."

            _You understand, right? I want to say it…but…_

            The gaze with which the fox pierced him was an almost painful one. They both wanted the same thing…for Kurama to understand what Hiei couldn't say…

            "But I…" Hiei leaned a bit closer, the slight shift in his weight suddenly throwing the hammock off-balance and sending it into a briefly dizzying swing. His support now rocking dangerously beneath him, Hiei's arm gave out and he fell forward…directly onto Kurama. His chest landing on Kurama's shoulder…his hand landing in Kurama's hair…

…his lips landing directly on Kurama's. 

The hammock swung mercilessly beneath them as two pairs of widened eyes met, then gradually slid closed. Struggling to balance himself at least a little, Hiei grabbed Kurama's hand for a little support, their fingers interlacing almost immediately as the kitsune slowly pushed the accidental kiss deeper, parting Hiei's lips with his tongue and once more finding the actions that coaxed forth those soft gasps he had fallen so in love with only a few weeks earlier. The hand not gripping Hiei's reached up, looping around the slender waist and pulling him closer till they lay entwined, the smaller demon practically on top of the breathless youko. 

When eventually the need for air forced them to separate, Hiei refused to open his eyes, afraid it would all fade into dreams if he did. But then Kurama's hand was on his cheek, his fingertips tracing softly along his jaw, and Hiei had to see it. Blushing from self-consciousness and the inexplicable exertion of that moment, the youkai slowly extended his hand, threading it into the red hair pooled across the still-swaying hammock beneath him. Kurama was second to open his eyes, gazing reverently up at Hiei, taking in that stunned expression with silent adoration.

For the longest time there was nothing but the sway of the hammock and the quiet sound of two embracing youkai trying to catch their breaths. And then Kurama spoke. Looking into Hiei's eyes, trailing his hand through Hiei's hair, pulling him close…Kurama spoke.

"I love you."

No reply. The kitsune's arms crossed behind Hiei's back, gripping him in an embrace that was desperate and passionate and yet gentle, so gentle and warm…an embrace into which he slowly relaxed, letting his face rest against the soft folds of Kurama's shirt and closing his eyes.

"I love you, Hiei."

Hiei's voice would not come to him, and so he merely nodded as he had the first time Kurama's lips had stolen his words. Green eyes smiled up at him in the fading glow of twilight, shimmering with all the things Hiei could never put a name to…all the things Kurama had offered…

The sun had long set when Shiori stepped outside, wondering what was taking her son so long.

"Shu—" She called out for him, abruptly stopping as her eyes fell on the hammock. In the dim light of the evening the familiar mass of scarlet hair stood out, laying across the chest of the serious boy who had come to talk. The black-clad arms were wrapped around her son, who appeared to be asleep in his friend's embrace. She hesitated a moment, ready to call to him again, then caught sight of the other boy's pale face. He was smiling…those eyes that looked too hurt, too old, were smiling as they gazed upon the sleeping boy, and Shiori couldn't help smiling as well. She switched off the porch light and turned to go back inside, murmuring softly as if to herself…

"Thank you for not hurting him." 

With that she was gone, retreating to the house without seeing Hiei's slight nod of acknowledgement.

_I'm not the one who deserves thanks._

_He is._

_He cared._

*owari*            

(A/N:

Yume: And so it ends. I'm a sucker for happy endings, ne, it's just one of those things…I wanna thank everyone who's read this, especially those of you who reviewed. Nothing like finding out people like your writing to cheer ya up ^.^ And so many reviews…the most I've ever gotten on anything, hugs for everybody. *smiles*

Yami: ^.^ That was so cute…

Yume: *blinkblink* Since when do you think cute is a good thing?

Yami: *massive sweatdrop* Er…shut up.

Yume: *grins* Okay, anyways….that's the fic, ladies, gentlemen, and otherwise. There –will-, I repeat, -will- be a sequel to this…assuming I ever get motivated enough and start writing it ^.^;; And…I dunno! I guess that's about all there is to say. Oh, and the link I put up last time didn't work….so….you can find my artwork at Fanart Central fanart.ctgameinfo.com – I'm on there as sakayume, easy enough to find, just click where it says "Artists" on the left side of the screen and go to "S". I have one or two pictures from this story, so…enjoy. ^.^ Okay, that's enough shameless self-promotion. Stay frosty, everyone.)


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